My Umbrella

On Tuesday it was raining here in Toronto and as such I prudently grabbed my umbrella on my way out the door. I love my umbrella. I really do. It's actually a golf umbrella that I bought before my first round last year. I even talked them into a discount even thought it was threatening rain. I think you'd have the best chance of negotiating an umbrella discount on a sunny day, but I lucked out.

I never meant to start using it on the streets. It just ended up happening. It was so big and strong. Gusts of wind that would turn flip those other small, weak umbrellas inside out didn't even phase me. 3 people could smoke a cigarette under my umbrella. Spacious it was. People must have hated sharing the sidewalk with me and my big umbrella. I know I hated it when the shoe was on the other foot. Me with the dinky umbrella & others with the monsters. I didn't give a fuck though once I got a hold of the luxury model.

So, back to Tuesday. I got off the subway without my umbrella and didn't realize it until it was too late. There was nothing I could do. My name and number weren't on it so for whoever found it, it would be like finding a bill on the ground. No return address so you get to keep it.

The only thing I could think to do was to post an ad on Craigslist. I put my odds at less than one tenth of one percent which may have been too high. Either way it was better than my odds of doing nothing. This is what I posted...

I left my black golf size umbrella on the Bloor line Tuesday morning around 9:15am. It was leaning against an end door. It's a great umbrella. Holds up to a strong wind and keeps the drops off more than one person at a time. Although it seems like a small expense, times are tight for me right now and I could really use not having to rebuy this item. I know it's a long shot that anyone who found it would be reading this, but I gotta try.

If by any chance you do happen to read this and still decide not to contact me, I hope the next few months bring you nothing but bright sunny days.

Have a good one T.O.

For this to work out a lot of things had to fall into place. First, I needed the person who found and kept it to not be a bum with no Internet access. No Internet = no Craigslist. Second, I needed whoever found it to have a conscience and of course be a Craiglist user.

Wouldn't you know it. I got a response. I was SO excited to open the email and find out where I was to meet this nice person who had grabbed my umbrella, logged onto the Internet & then Craigslist to see if anything was posted in the Lost & Founds.

Hi
I just saw your account and it interested me enough.
You are very interest man and I like it.
I would like to pass my warmth, endearment with you.
I am unbiased, beautiful woman. Sometimes I am powerful, sometimes I am funny with the good sence of humour.
It looks like you are very romantic and authentic man.
I have a lot of space in my heart for kindness and love and
I am ready to give it to you. I do not care about the age.
I would like to get acquainted with you better and chat with you by the e-mail!
I will send you my photos and tell more about me.
That is my e-mail:skaelvira@yahoo.com
Best regards.

What a nice world where I can lose my umbrella and this woman is kind enough to offer herself to me. She took the time to not even mention my umbrella once but seems pretty enamored with me none the less.

"You are very interest man and I like it."
Hey, who wouldn't? There's a lot of adventure in searching for an umbrella or perhaps purchasing a new one.

"I am unbiased, beautiful woman. Sometimes I am powerful, sometimes I am funny with the good sence of humour."
I 'sence' I shouldn't believe you.

"I am ready to give it to you"
My umbrella?

"I do not care about the age."
I am balding. Of course you can't tell on Craigslist. Sucka!

"I would like to get acquainted with you better and chat with you by the e-mail!
I will send you my photos and tell more about me."
Wow! And I've been nurturing a relationship all these years where I could have just been posting about lost umbrellas.

As the weather warms we get closer to that first day of golf and I am dearly looking forward to that. I hope it's sunny. That way I will have some extra leverage when negotiating my next umbrella purchase.